Stepping into the Darkness...

I mean this as in the darkness of the unknown. We are buying the crib tomorrow, and I am scared. We have had opportunities to buy it before, but I chickened out. I just keep feeling like what if something happens and the crib is sitting there just waiting to make me lose it?? But I have determined I am going to do it! At sometime I have to step in to the darkness, and just hope and pray that everything is alright. Everything has been fine so far, but you just hear the horror stories.
I think a lot of it is the loss of the baby last year and the fact that it took 7 years for us to get to the point. It seems so unreal that we are on our way to becoming parents, I had so many moments of despair that it wouldn't happen.
I started feeling the baby kick last week, right at 20 weeks! It is still faint, and I don't really feel it everyday, but it is a good feeling! I can't wait until it's stronger and DH can feel it on the outside.
1 week from today is my anatomy scan which I am really nervous about. I am just praying everything looks fine and he is healthy and growing. So just a little update! :)

Halfway There!!!

20 Weeks yesterday, and if it feels like a HUGE milestone to me! In some way I really thought things would be different, that I would look more pregnant, and that I would be feeling the baby kick hard by now, but that is not the way things are! I do look more pregnant, and last night was the first night I really believe I felt my little boy kicking me hard enough to tell! It was a very sweet moment for me. I sat there in amazement for a few minutes.
I still can't believe in so many ways that this is happening to us! I feel so incredibly blessed and just cannot believe that I will be a mommy next year! Still have 2 more weeks to wait until we get our in depth scan. Some people have said they are questioning from my ultrasound picture that it's a boy. But in my heart I know he is a he!
Anyhow, other then that not much going on around here. I have been sewing things like a maniac which helps pass the time, and get's me some cute stuff to use! Next month we will be buying the crib!! I already have all the bedding except for the bumper, which I am going to be using the breathable ones. Oh and we are doing a Safari theme. I can't wait to put it all together, I will be sure to post pictures once it is done!

18 Weeks...

Still not much going on around here. I had an appointment yesterday, which left a lot to be desired! The ultrasound just was horrible...maybe because I have too much belly fat, I don't know! But we couldn't see much of anything. We got a measurement though, he is growing right on schedule. Dr said he doesn't see anything that alarms him. My cervix is nice and long and closed, and my placenta has moved away from my cervix which we were concerned about at the last appointment.
No confirmation of gender. Besides the horrible looking ultrasound, the cord was between the legs!! Little stinker! LOL. So my next appointment will be 22 weeks. I will having my anatomy scan so hopefully we will get a confirmation then that it really is a boy!
As far as how I am feeling, I am having to move into maternity clothes, my belly is growing, getting more round. I feel more pregnant, but am still not sure if I am feeling flutters or not. Sometimes I think I am but it's so light and faint and not constant. Hopefully in the next few weeks I will be getting kicked more!
Nothing else much going on, just thought I would update on what is going on! :)

Dog Days of Summer...

Yeah summer to me seems to be dragging it's heels. I am ready for Fall. I love the feeling of Fall and the nice cooler temps. And the smell in the air.
I haven't really been blogging because there isn't much going on here! I am feeling quite a bit better as far as feeling sick goes. Sometimes I get hit with that icky feeling, but no where near as much as before. We still listen to the heart beat every morning. He must be kicking harder because we hear the loud squelching a lot more and louder now. Sadly I still don't feel anything. I have heard it's normal, but I am just so excited for that part.
I also have been suffering from cold sores...ick. I might give in and try some Abreva, but I hate spending money on something if you don't know if it will work or not. Guess its something else to talk to my Dr about next week.
I took an 17 week pic today and I look way less pregnant then all my other pictures! Guess my bowels aren't very full, which is what they say causes the belly this early. Someday it will be baby and not backed up food!
That is about it! Nothing else is really going on. Hope everyone enjoys the last month of summer! :)

It Never Stops

I have been surprised about how much infertility is still on my mind. Of course it's not in the forefront of my mind because of course the pregnancy has taken that spot. But I still wonder (and worry) will I be infertile after this pregnancy? Will I be able to make this baby a big brother? I really don't want to have an only child. Growing up with siblings, I wouldn't trade them for anything. I love having that connection with a handful of people. I loved having big brother's and a big sister. So I know I want this baby to have that too.
But what if I can't? What if this is it? And even just thinking of going through all the worries and stress of treatments makes me want to gag. It's just interesting the effects of infertility never stop. I am SO grateful for this baby. I'm so thankful that it was somewhat "easy" for me to get pregnant in the end. But I still feel infertile. I don't think that feeling ever goes away....

It's a....

BOY!!!!

Yep that is right, we are expecting a little bundle of joy in BLUE! I am so shocked (as I really thought it was a girl), but SO happy and surprised! I can't wait to meet him (I still have SO long to go!!) and hold him and kiss him. Having a boy will be so much fun!

Best Part of the Day!!

Is when we listen to the heartbeat in the morning. I love listening to it. I love that it sounds like the baby is moving around in there, and that the heart beat is nice and strong. I could listen to it for hours!! The doppler was the best idea ever! It has really eased my mind that the baby is okay!
Still no flutters yet (except ones that MAY have been baby, too hard to tell right now). Can't wait until I get to that part. :)