So on my Facebook I have this one "friend" who constantly makes remarks on some of my statuses essentially with the tone of "you shouldn't be feeling this way." If you are friends with me on there, you probably can pick out who that person is. And it drives me INSANE. All my status said was "This year Mother's Day is rubbing me the wrong way. I can't give a card, and I can't get a card. What's a girl to do?"
I do NOT understand why some people feel the need to control or chastise you for your feelings. Can someone explain this to me? God, I believe, gave us feelings for a reason. And most the time I don't believe in suppressing your feelings. For me I learned at a very young age that I needed to have somewhere to express my feelings about things or else they got too intense for me to control at times. There would be times where my grief would be so overwhelming about my Mom's death that I would cry and scream for hours and beg for someone to bring me my Mom. Can you imagine me in Elementary school making the traditional gifts for Mom's at school and knowing in my mind there was no one at home to give it to? Can you imagine me wondering what to do when our Young Women group at church would have a mother/daughter activity? My sister was always available for those kinds of things, and I am so grateful to have her, but its not the same you know?
I just ask you to please not make someone feel like they shouldn't feel a certain way. Especially when it comes to infertility. You are just asking them to close off to you. Most the time we just need someone to listen and be a sounding board. There are a lot of emotions tied in to infertility, and I would say most of them aren't pretty. But I think in the end that is what makes us more compassionate to others.
:)
I think people do that because *they* feel uncomfortable with your emotions. So if they can dismiss it or "make it right" they don't have to deal with it or think about it. It's a selfish thing, and many people don't know better. :( Perhaps hide your status updates from her? It's easy to do. I do it sometimes on a case by case basis. You need people who are supportive, not dismissive. I'm so sorry you have to deal with such a mix of emotions on Mother's Day. It's not fair that you have to endure two heartaches. Big hugs.
ReplyDeleteMother's day is one of the hardest holidays. I don't know if I'm strong enough to go to church this Sunday because I might be bawling my eyes out thinking of our son's birthmom.
ReplyDeleteInfertility makes everything hard. One time I had someone say that everyone "waits" for a child, some 9 months and others years and it doesn't matter. Well, I told them that time does matter and you can't compare someone waiting 9 months while others wait 9 years. It was a huge facebook fight and everyone posted that I was wrong. It was horrible. Now I don't post anything at all about infertility.
I would do what RMCarter suggests and take her off your status updates. If she still writes stuff then write her a personal message stating why you need her not to comment. If she still does I would unfriend her.
I just stumbled upon your blog from Soul Cysters. My husband also lost his Mom when he was young, and has expressed some of the same feelings you have.
ReplyDeleteI could imagine just how hard Mother's Day is for you, but always remember that our Savior even suffered this pain for us. I've always found that to be of some comfort.
I have had one daughter, but I'm in the YW presidency in my ward, and so many of my girls are without mothers, or without mothers who care, same with primary. Remember, you're still a mother to those people! And you will be a parent some day, I'm sure of it! A friend posted this in their status and I think it is spot on "While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lord’s language, the word mother has layers of meaning." - Sheri L. Dew, Ensign, Nov. 2001
I've also realized people tend to be really unthoughtful in their comments on facebook, without knowing they are.