As the first of the "family" holiday's approach, I start to get a little wary. I hate that its just 3+ straight months of family and children. We kind of get pushed to the side, and let the "real" families have their time. Don't get me wrong. Someday when I am hopefully a mother, I will LOVE the holidays. But now, especially after losing my little angel, I feel an even bigger hole in my heart. This Christmas would have been full of anticipation of bringing our first miracle into the world. We would have gotten baby supplies as gifts. We would have been having fun buying cribs and carseats, and being anxious, and wondering if we would make good parents...
I hope they aren't hard for me, but I have learned that the grief is buried inside until something comes along to rip the hole open again...I am expecting January to be a hard month...I sometimes wonder if I will even survive it.
I'm trying to hold on to hope. And praying that this baby tries to come to our family again VERY soon. For now I am going to try to be in survival mode. Wish me luck.
Good luck Hon!!! I feel the same way.. especially when all 3 of my sisters have kids!! I feel like... when will it ever be my turn!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you will have to struggle through the next few months, but you know where to find support to give you the strength to keep on going.. I hope that you have the strength to hold your head up, and not let it break you. I am thinking/praying for you and your DH over the coming months!!!