I will admit, I have been a nervous wreck the last 7 weeks or so (since finding out). Every day I wake up with irrational fear that something is wrong. I really believe that some fear during pregnancy is normal. But mine is over the top. I had an ultrasound every week from weeks 4-10...how sad is that??
I have tried to talk to DH about the reasons that I think the fears are over the top. The first being my miscarriage last year. The whole experience was scary, emotional, depressing, and just plain horrible! I would not wish that experience on anyone. Secondly, is the fact that I believe in some place inside me I started to believe as years passed that I didn't really deserve a baby. I have always had pretty low self esteem, so its hard to talk to myself and say that I deserve to be a mom just as much as the next person. And lastly I think its because its my first pregnancy. So I don't know what is normal. Is this dull ache normal? Is feeling great today normal? When its your first you just don't always know what's normal.
I am so grateful that things seem to be going well, but really I would love to have an ultrasound available to me 24/7! I ordered a heart beat Doppler which should be here next week and I am hoping that it helps calm my fears. I am just praying this baby is going to join our family in January!