Thursday, June 23, 2011


I will admit, I have been a nervous wreck the last 7 weeks or so (since finding out). Every day I wake up with irrational fear that something is wrong. I really believe that some fear during pregnancy is normal. But mine is over the top. I had an ultrasound every week from weeks sad is that??
I have tried to talk to DH about the reasons that I think the fears are over the top. The first being my miscarriage last year. The whole experience was scary, emotional, depressing, and just plain horrible! I would not wish that experience on anyone. Secondly, is the fact that I believe in some place inside me I started to believe as years passed that I didn't really deserve a baby. I have always had pretty low self esteem, so its hard to talk to myself and say that I deserve to be a mom just as much as the next person. And lastly I think its because its my first pregnancy. So I don't know what is normal. Is this dull ache normal? Is feeling great today normal? When its your first you just don't always know what's normal.
I am so grateful that things seem to be going well, but really I would love to have an ultrasound available to me 24/7! I ordered a heart beat Doppler which should be here next week and I am hoping that it helps calm my fears. I am just praying this baby is going to join our family in January!


  1. The Doppler will help, and so will time. I am still nervous, but not terrified, and I am actually excited and hopeful. It’s a process, but you’ll get there. I am 26 weeks and still second guess every new twinge or ache. But it is not as bad as it used to be. It will get better!

    I am just so happy for you.

  2. I'm sorry nobody informed you yet, but when you're pregnant you get to use that as your excuse for EVERYTHING. Orneriness, laziness, irrationality, giddiness, and my favorite, eating anything you want. There is a very different definition of the word "normal" when you have pregnancy hormones running through you! :)