Thursday, March 25, 2010

It's like I'm the Incredible Hulk...I think....

First off...I want to say thank you for the sweet and absoleutly needed comments that 2 of you left me last time. I haven't decided for sure what I'm going to do. At times I feel this blog may help others, at times I feel it offends others. At times I feel completely insane and wonder how anyone could put up with me!
I have so many pills running around my system, that sometimes I don't know if these are my real feelings or not. And sometimes a few days later I realize I was completely irrational...Case in point being yesterday. I was a mess. Yelling at Nate for like an hour. About stupid things. Then coming home and bawling my eyes out over something stupid. And feeling like my life is hopeless. Honestly this isn't me at all. Before I started all these medicines it took a lot for me to cry. I had learned how to turn off the water works before they even started.
So I'll just continue to blog for now. Because, it is an emotional outlet for me, and if one day its private realize it might not stay that way. Hahaha. That's why I think I'm the Incredible Hulk. He's fine, then something sets him off, and he turns into the giant green monster. Hey at least I'm strong and could crush rocks to take my mind off things!
I had to get a shot in my butt a week hurt like a mother. It felt like I had a welt there for a few days, and I couldn't even lie on that side in bed. But lovely, it made my period show up semi-early, so today is Cycle Day one. I get to try a new drug this time, that isn't supposed to have as many side effects. I just really hope I respond to them. If I don't we will have to move on to injectibles, and those are pretty pricey. I think we figured out about 1-200 dollars a cycle. Ugh. So needless to say I'm running out of options. If the injectibles don't work, its a long shot for IVF to work, and so at that point we may be at a dead end road for now. That scares me. But I'm trying to have faith that this new drug I start on Saturday will work.
I am now going to be taking 4 Metformin a day, 1 prenatal, synthryoid, femara for cycle days 3-7 and estrogen spray from cycle day 8 until I Ovulate. I'm tired of pills. And I'm getting really sick of vaginal ultrasounds. My dr didn't think my period would show up until a week from tomorrow. He is going on vacation at the end of the week, so there is a chance I might be flying solo this cycle. I just am really hoping and praying this month it works. April marks 6 years we have been trying to start our family. Its going to be a hard month just with that reminder.

Anyhow, thank you for your support and understanding. Especially when it may not necessairly make sense. Just realize it doesn't always to me either! Happy Thursday! :)


  1. I'm glad that you are still blogging! Even though I don't comment all the time I still want you to know that I read it. I think it's a good outlet for your frustrations & thoughts. I'll be praying for you that all your meds work because I know how expensive & time consuming it is. Keep your chin up!

  2. Hang in there. I know you probably get tired of hearing that (I know I have) but will you believe me if I promise that one day you'll look back and say you'd do ALL of it again?

    Let me know if I can do anything for you.

    ashley dot rittman at gmail dot com