Tuesday, April 6, 2010

My life was changed yesterday...

...and everyday by the scriptures. Yesterday especially though. I was reading in 2 Nephi 9:39 "...to be spiritually-minded is life eternal."
This has really spoken to me over the last couple of days. Its true. When I focus on eternal principles, it makes things that are not going good or making my life harder, not so bad. Sure they still hurt, they are still hard. But, with eternal perspective they don't seem as bad, God's timetable comes into view and I remember why I was sent here to Earth. Having children is part of that, I'm not going to deny it. BUT its not the most important part. The most important to me is summed up in Jenny Philips song Valiant Faith. Part of it says "I want to return to His arms unashamed."
God knows in my heart there is a desperation to become a mother. Specifically a Mother who knows her Savior and Heavenly Father and has strong desires to teach any children sent to her home this every day.
So what more can I do? Exactly what I am doing, but turning all outcomes to Heavenly Father...and trusting that His vision sees all. Even when I question this huge "stumbling block" in my life, remembering His timetable, His vision, His desire for me to return to His arms, also. Its hard to hand over trust to someone. But, if you have to, why not to the one who sees the beginning AND the end?
So, about what is happening right now. I'm waiting to see if I ovulate. I got a positive ovulation strip yesterday. But I feel like I'm having a repeat of February. All the signs of Ovulation, but it doesn't happen for some reason. Honestly I think its stress. I need to learn to relax and let things come. I am just such a controller. Stress is THE worst thing for trying to have a baby...and its THE one thing that I am the best at!
So we will see what happens at my ultrasound tomorrow. Hopefully its not more cysts or a huge cyst. I hate those things with a passion!
I also just wanted to say, I know there are many of you out there praying for us, and I want to say thank you for those prayers...we have felt them. We have been uplifted by them...they have been a huge blessing in our life. So thank you! We love you all! :)

4 comments:

  1. Praying for you Tami! Hugs!

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  2. You are always in my prayers because I know what you are going through. I'm a control-freak too and I HATE that I can't control what is going on with our infertility treatments. But I also realize that Heavenly Father is in control of all things, even though it's frustrating he knows our heart and mind even better than us.

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  3. That was an awesome scripture to share. I hope your experience is a lot like mine was... we struggled for six years as well and that was over four years ago and honestly I've forgotten all the heartache. The Lord's timing is always right, but it sure would be nice if He'd let us know right? ;) I am still praying for you... hope you don't mind that I read your blog... Sending you love!

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  4. Thank you girls!!! You are so sweet, and thank you again for the prayers. Jaimee, I don't mind at all that you read my blog. :)
    I am thinking I responded to the drugs this month!! I have another appointment tomorrow to see if I ovulated on my own, if not I will be getting a shot to force ovulation..I'm feeling really optimistic! I keep telling myself that this is a month of miracles. The resurrection of the Savior, the formation of my church...it just has to be a month of miracles for me too! But even if I don't get a positive this month, I am happy that I am responding to the medication!! :)

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