Monday, May 10, 2010

Deep Breath

So, we are going on break from treatments. Not preventing, just taking a break from drugs and doctors visits. I feel relaxed about it, and glad that we can take the summer to accomplish some of our goals. But always in the back of my mind, I wonder if I should just keep going. Especially because this month we found a combination that was successful at making me Ovulate. But we need the break. Our marriage needs it, and I personally need it.
Mother's Day came and went. I survived. I have some really nice women in our neighborhood who care about me, but I mostly hibernated. Its a day where I give myself a break from pasting on the smile and pretending I'm happy about that new pregnancy announcement or hearing the "baby talk". Hubby doesn't really get it, and that's okay. I don't understand all of his feelings either. :)
My birthday is next month, I will be 27...inching closer and closer to that 30...I really thought when I was younger I would have kids by now. It is really heartbreaking, to the point where I don't even look forward to my birthday anymore. It is just another reminder for me, that life is just not what I thought it would be at this point.
*Sigh* Sorry about the depressing post. Its just been a long couple of weeks, and I'm feeling a bit down in the dumps. Hopefully summer will come along and I will get out of this funk. :) Toodles!


  1. You ovulated! Yay! But I think it's good you'll be taking a break and relaxing a bit over the summer. I thought of you on mother's day and said a prayer for you and some other amazing women I know who are struggling with infertility. I know the age thing is hard (I cried when I turned 25 and wasn't pregnant yet)... But try to remember it's just a number. Mike's mom was 40 when she finally had him! He was her special blessing after all those years of the kind of pain you've been feeling. Hang in there, and know that you are loved!

  2. I was 28 when I finally had my little girl... and this is sort of random but it made me laugh at the time so thought I'd share it. My visiting teacher had had kids when she was very young and she said people always thought she was older than she was because she had older kids... so she told me to embrace that I had kids later than I planned because people would always think I was younger than I was! :P I know it's easier said than done, but it will happen when it is meant to and I hope you feel the way I did... that life isn't what you expected at this point, but turns out even better! :)

  3. I keep reminding my husband we're not having more after I turn 30. He's got 2 years left to make up his mind! Anyways, I totally understand taking a break. People don't understand how expensive and emotion it is unless you have to go through it!