Being on break just stinks. BIG TIME. I mean, I know there are a TON of reasons why we are on break. And they all are good reasons. But its hard. As much as I hate being in the thick of it all...I actually want to be back there, actively trying.
Things have been good for Hubby and I. The break has taken the pressure off and we are starting to have more fun together. The mood is just more relaxed. And its been good. I just can't imagine waiting a WHOLE YEAR to start trying again.
I am still trying to deal with the miscarriage. I am ok most the time, but then there are times I think about how far along I would be at this time, and I can't help but shed a few tears. I miss my baby desperately...but I also have faith in my Heavenly Father that He knows what's best. And whatever the reason was our baby couldn't come to Earth at this time was a good reason.
I was reading on the r house blog today (you can find the link on the left side under my blog list) and she was talking about how eventually going through infertility made her feel special, and unique. And most the time I do feel that way. I get more time with husband, (who makes me laugh so hard....I will have to eventually tell the story of "bum pits" because it still makes me laugh and smile to this day!!). I have more free time to pursue things I would like to learn. I have quiet time to think and ponder things of a spiritual nature. I get to spend countless hours talking to my wonderful Dad, and I know I will cherish those hours when he is gone. There are many positives to a childless life. But there is always an ache in my heart...
So I will continue to struggle forward, and learn how to cope with it all. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow, and it has brought my anxiety out of the woodwork again...which stinks. I have pretty horrible teeth like my mom and grandparents. All of my molars have some type of decay on them. So it will take awhile to get it all under control. If its not one thing, its another, and I just feel like what more can this body take? Seriously??
But like my Dad said to me "You will get through it. It will be hard, but just like everything else, you will get through it."
And I will. :)