Wednesday, August 11, 2010


My monthly cycle that is. Yep. Over 5 weeks out from the D&C and she has yet to show up. See this is what I HATE about PCOS. It doesn't matter that statistically you are more fertile after a miscarriage. PCOS doesn't play by the rules, at all...
I know I should be going in to get a progesterone shot, but I have 3 dentist appointments looming in front of me. I figure do as much as I can handle, and the root canal I am facing tomorrow has gotten me pretty much frazzled. I don't need to add needing to run to the bathroom in there.
Yep so next month we would have found out what sex the baby was. I am still in the "why did this even happen, what was the purpose" phase of things. Was it to give us hope? Was it to give us a glimpse into what its like to experience everything? I really don't know...and maybe there is no answer for me.
I have been tempted to see if we could do 1 cycle next month. There is a huge part of me that wants to, but there is also a part of me that wants to make this a true break. But it is hard when we have all the prescriptions for the meds...we got pregnant on the first cycle, I keep thinking if this is proof that we could be lucky and have it happen again. But then I think of going through a loss again so soon...could I emotionally handle that? I don't know...
See how unfun it is to be in my brain? These circles just run around endlessly in my mind! Its so hard coming into this world without some type of road map...some type of future vision. I sometimes feel like I am stumbling around in the dark.
Well, if you don't see me blog ever again you will know the root canal did indeed kill me. I'm not ruling that out as a possibility. (Yes this is a true indication of how totally freaked out I am over it....) Wish me luck!

1 comment:

  1. Tami,

    Still praying for you. I Remember the days of making decisions on cycles. Praying that your root canal goes well. My husband has had two and says they're no worse than having a big filling.

    Keep us updated!