Is rough. Now let me preface this by saying this is not directed at any one person. It's about being human and how we really can't control, try as we might, to control how we feel. Something that is seriously getting on my nerves lately is the green monster of jealousy. I don't know if I was just born with an extra dose of it or what, and no matter how I try to tame that monster, it often rears its ugly head. Specifically when it comes to pregnancy announcements. No matter who, what, when, why, or how, this is the most irrational time that it pops up. I will sit there after the announcement is made and talk to myself about how it's okay, and that I don't mind. But inevitably I will eventually feel the monster take over.
I feel like this makes me a horrible person. I know it doesn't but this is the real reason that I haven't been to any baby showers. This is why I hide out from the world at times. Sometimes I wish that I could turn my brain off. But no matter what....this monster just keeps up it's annoying presence.
I send kudos to those infertile women who are MUCH stronger then I at pushing these thoughts aside. I hope someday down the road I find this monster tamed. But for now I will just keep trying to tame the beast.
Today I am extremely grateful for my husband. He is my rock. He is my buddy....and he doesn't judge me for feeling a certain way because he sees how hard I try. He truly is the most precious gift I have been given in this life. I can't wait for our first vacation together in 5 years!! It will be several days of so much fun, followed by passing our 7 year milestone of TTC, followed by our first cycle back at treatments. It will be a busy time coming up. :)