Tuesday, March 8, 2011

What's the TRUTH?

My friend Vicki posted a blog about a Time Magazine article called Does Society Exaggerate the Joys of Parenthood? You can check out her thoughts here. And it got me thinking about some things.
First off, the majority of the "Facebook Mom's" that I am friends with, OFTEN complain about being Mom's. Now I may be biased because I don't have children, and don't have to face the daily grind of being a mom. And I also may be biased because I desperately want to be a mom and almost all of these women became mom's without much work. It just seems like maybe being a parent isn't all its cracked up to be? I mean, based off of what I read on Facebook, my answer would be yes.
Of course, there is the biological need to have children, which has enabled our species to thrive (wow that sounded really...scientific). And women seem to have an extra dose of this, I will say my need and desire to have children is much stronger then hubby's.
Also, it gets me thinking, and this is HUGE for me...will I still be as dissatisfied with life, even after having children?? Will I become one of those complaining "Facebook Mom's"? I mean everyone has bad days. I know I do!!! But if I go by what I hear of other women with children say, its WORSE with kids. I know some will argue, but what about the kisses and the I love yous and the grand kids and all those wonderful moments of having children bring to my life? I would say, you have moments like those being Childless. They just come from a different source.
Now don't get me wrong. I will never stop wanting children. I believe in having children, for personal and religious reasons. But I wonder at times if I imagine life a certain way and its just not going to be that way when those babies come? Will I find more satisfaction and joy out of life with the pitter patter of little feet that carry my DNA or my last name? That remains to be seen.
But...based off of Facebook (and Mom's I talk to or hear talking), my answer would be NO.
So please...weigh in with thoughts or comments...I am interested in hearing anything as long as its ADDING to the conversation.


  1. To preface my comments I am not a very experienced Mother since I only have one kid and she is 6 months. But I think it has a lot to do with where you are in life and how happy you are before you have kids. Will having kids make you happy if you weren't before? I don't think so. But do they bring joy that you can't get elsewhere, in my opinion yes. I did not have trouble getting pregnant but I did not have kids until I had been married for several years and had done some things I wanted to do in my life. When we decided to start trying I was ready to have children, I was more than ready. Having my daughter has brought me so much happiness. I think some people jump into parenthood before they are ready and this is why they struggle with it. Was I a happy person before - yes. But I would say that I am even happier now. There are and will be hard days but I still think having kids brings great joy that you can not find anywhere else.

    I don't know if any of that made sense but I have thought about this before so I thought I would comment and say hi Tammy. It has been forever since I have seen or talked to you! I am very sorry for your struggles and pray that things will work out for you.

  2. Being a mom DOES bring a lot of joy, and it also DOES bring a lot of challenges. It doesn't change your happiness level though. It just exaggerates it. Motherhood increases what happiness you have but also increases any stress, irritability, depression, etc that you may be prone to already.

    Don't worry too much about what the moms on FB are saying. It is human nature to seek sympathy when we are having a rough time. Moms don't post those things because they don't like having kids, but because they know there are a hundred other moms out there who have been through the same thing and can understand what they are going through. They are just seeking validation. If they made the good moments as public as the bad ones, I think you would see a much different story.

    If you ever get the chance to have children, it will not make all your problems disappear, and you won't love EVERY moment of it. But you will NEVER ever regret it. And the good moments really do FAR outweigh the bad ones. Being a mom is the most wonderful, amazing thing I have ever experienced.

  3. Hi Tami!! I read this post a couple of days ago and have been thinking about your question. I struggled with infertility and when I was pregnant and was so sick and complained I had people tell me I shouldn't because it was what I had wanted for so long. That didn't seem fair. I went in with the approach that I really wanted to be a mom, but that it wouldn't 'complete' my life. I had made the decision to be happy either way but just that I wanted to experience motherhood. I didn't expect it to be all fun and easy. The key thing is that you aren't thinking that it is the only thing that would make you happy, because you are right- when you do have kids, there will be tough moments... parenthood is hard- so happiness takes on a new meaning. But you will be happy for the experience and for the many, many things you'll learn being a mommy. :) I agree, that the good very much outweighs the bad. But don't think that just because you have struggled to conceive that you don't have a 'right' to be miserably sick when pregnant or irritated at the day-to-day things when you have kids. You earn that by being a mom and it doesn't mean you enjoy it any less. Hope that makes sense. :)

  4. Thanks for all your responses! I really was interested in getting others perspectives, so I appreciate it! :)