Friday, March 4, 2011

I got bit again...

with the baby bug! Oh man, those feelings are back with a vengence. I had a little repreive from them over the past 6 months or so, but they are back. I am ready to start down the IF path, sadly there is a road block in the way. Hubby. He has really been struggling lately...its been hard, because I don't know how to help him. I have tried asking him to talk about what is bothering him, but he just says he doesn't know. He just feels sad. I have kind of been wondering if it has been related to the miscarriage, he seemed to just push all his feelings down, and tried to be strong for me. So right now, I am just waiting out his funk, so he hopefully will be ready to try after our trip. I know we are getting to the end of the road with my OBGYN so I know a forced break isn't too far in our future. I know after a couple more rounds of Femara we will have to be moving on to something more intense which will probably be injectables, and they only place that does that is over 30 miles away.
In good news, I got on an Anti-Depressant about a month ago, and I feel SO different. I never knew what it was like to have a pretty steady, consistent mood, but these piils do it for me. I still have bad days, but the edge is gone to them. I have always suspected that I had been depressed, even when I was a teenager. But family members made me feel bad about getting on Anti-Depressants because they believed there was no such thing as depression. But it was interesting, my first day on them even my vision seemed different. It was suddenly like more light was coming in my eyes. Its hard to explain. But my marriage has taken a total DH just cannot believe the difference in me. He even apologized the other day about how he had treated me. He said he always thought it was just an attitude thing, but now after seeing me on these pills for a month he is a huge believer in depression existing.
So if you are someone reading this, and you have struggled with it, don't hesitate to get help. I am on a pretty low dose of meds, but I WISH I had gone in sooner and talked to a DR about it. And I feel like I will be a better mom too, because I have a lot more patience with people and situations. Life is a lot easier to handle.
So, as far as PCOS, I am waiting for AF to show. If she has come back next Wednesday I am heading in for a progesterone shot, then starting my first round of BCP. I also had my Vitamin D checked, and its low. I am probably going to have my blood work faxed over to my OBGYN, because I am not going to see the Endo anymore. Its a waste of time and money when my OBGYN is doing exactly what they are + more.
So anyhow, that's my update! Hope everyone is enjoying our downward slope to Spring!!! :)


  1. I am glad you are feeling better. It's amazing how far a little help can go. I've been there, I can relate! :)

  2. Wow, I am so happy to hear that you have your depression under control! What a weight that must be off of your shoulders. I didn't know you had clinical depression. I guess that's what makes it so awful, though. There are no outward symptoms so people don't understand how real it is. I'm glad you stopped listening to people who thought it was just your attitude and decided to believe in yourself enough to get the help you needed. YAY! And good luck on starting down the TTC road again. You will be in my prayers.

  3. What medication did they put you on? I was on Celexa when Josh was a baby and I may be on something again soon. It made such a huge difference when I took it before. I felt like myself and it was amazing. I'm so glad that you are feeling better and that it is making such a huge difference!