Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Open mouth, insert foot...

I find myself feeling this way a lot lately. Its like infertility has made me so fiesty. Maybe even mean. I am currently on the activites committee for Relief Society, and I question why I have been asked to be on it. I just hate to be left out, and because I have been left out a lot in the past 5 years, I hate to think of anyone else being left out. So when they plan some of these activities, I just see people being left out.
Maybe my problem is I want Relief Society to be a substitute for having real live friends. I have friends online, but honestly unless my friend from Cali comes to visit, its a no girlfriend time EVER year. Its hard because being childless, you are automatically put into this group that no one wants to touch. People think you are contagious almost, at least it seems that way. I need friends, I need people to laugh with and bounce ideas off of. But at times it seems to much to ask.
I wonder if mom's realize that those of us without children need friends? I guess maybe they see me as someone they just can't relate to, but why can't we just love and support each other even though maybe our lives aren't exactly the same?
The funny thing is my husband and I have been snubbed by other infertile couples too. And that has always just surprised me. I would love to have support from other people going through the same things, but they seem to think someone is spying on us and it will be the end of the world if we are seen together.
I'm just lonely. My friend came and visited from Cali this past month, and I got to spend an evening with her, and it was SO nice. We laughed a lot, we shared a lot. It was just so refreshing and uplifting just to spend that time with someone and know they cared about me.
I pray for Heavenly Father to send me a friend. But so far it has been an unanswered prayer....

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