Saturday, November 20, 2010

What is that weird feeling???

Is it...PRIDE?? Seriously. I am notorious with those that know me that I consistently NEVER see something through. I give up on stuff, mostly myself, way easy. But today I ran a mile in 11 minutes 45 seconds. That is awesome for me. And if I can squeak in 4.6 more pounds I will have lost 50 pounds since April. Normally by this point I would be totally back at my old habits, gaining back everything I had lost. But this time I feel like its attainable for me. So what if it takes me 3 more years to lose the next 50 that I would like to lose? Who cares??
You might be thinking this isn't infertility related, but really it is. Because when I got my diagnoses of PCOS last September, after many years of suspecting it, it felt like a life sentence. That I would always be fat, that I would always be childless, that I would always have acne, lose my hair, and have messed up hormones. But as I have pushed my OWN boundaries, I have found out that its not true. Sure maybe some of the other things might not change, but I have changed my life for the better, and proved to MYSELF that my destiny is in my hands. And if I do some of my own work, of growing and changing, things might not have to be the way they seem.
I hope beyond all hope that this brings me my dream of a baby. But I think there are more important lessons to be learned along the way. Like its important to have goals. Its important to pick yourself and dust yourself off and keep trying to reach your goals, even if at moments they seem unattainable.
I am just super proud today. :)