Tuesday, July 26, 2011

It Never Stops

I have been surprised about how much infertility is still on my mind. Of course it's not in the forefront of my mind because of course the pregnancy has taken that spot. But I still wonder (and worry) will I be infertile after this pregnancy? Will I be able to make this baby a big brother? I really don't want to have an only child. Growing up with siblings, I wouldn't trade them for anything. I love having that connection with a handful of people. I loved having big brother's and a big sister. So I know I want this baby to have that too.
But what if I can't? What if this is it? And even just thinking of going through all the worries and stress of treatments makes me want to gag. It's just interesting the effects of infertility never stop. I am SO grateful for this baby. I'm so thankful that it was somewhat "easy" for me to get pregnant in the end. But I still feel infertile. I don't think that feeling ever goes away....

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