Thursday, December 17, 2009

I have the best husband, and here is why...

The biggest reason would have to be, I know he loves me unconditionally. Sadly there are husbands out there who will leave their wives after they find out they can't give them a family. Some don't leave but divorce themselves in every way from their wives. I am blessed to have such a wonderful, caring husband. He has only been positive, and has held my hand even when I know for a fact I have been totally unlovable.
Being childless brings a sorrow though, even for the strongest. It has taken a toll on our marriage, and I hope and pray that we are strong enough to keep loving each other more every single day.
With my husband I don't feel like I have to explain things. Sometimes I just cry and he just holds me. Sometimes I get angry and he lets me vent. He's the only one who gets me. And I feel so lucky.
I have been down in the dumps this week, and feeling kind of sickly. I can't tell if its just the depression that has me down or if I have some type of flu...but I'm getting sick of feeling like I'm going to throw up. I have a doctor's appointment in a few weeks. More blood tests to make sure the medicine is working, gotta have my left ovary checked on again to make sure its not doubled in size anymore, and talking more about the laporscopy surgery. Then I get to call our insurance, get the pre-approval, schedule and have the surgery. Then come the fun pills! (Totally full of sarcasm). But honestly its getting hard for me not to feel hopeful about maybe being pregnant by next Christmas, but honestly I could be setting myself up for a big disappointment. I need to talk to my Dr though about his suggestions of finding out if I'm ovulating on my own. Last months 'monthly' would leave me to believe I could be...but I would need more tests to know for sure. For now though, I will find joy this weekend in being with my nieces. Should be a fun, tiring but fun, weekend.

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