Who am I?

I swear I have wrtiten about this before, so sorry if it seems to be a repeat post. I have been thinking about myself lately...who I am, what I am...and I really had to look closely to see I don't blame people for not wanting to be around me. I am like a hollow shell of the person I used to be. So much grief, so much sorrow, so much anger and jealousy. I hardly even recognize myself anymore. I miss the happy go lucky girl that used to LOVE Christmas, who used to LOVE Summer, who used to be happy with simple things. Now it just seems like that person is gone, and been replaced with someone so dark and sad all the time. I don't laugh nearly as much as I used to. I cry more then I used to.
So I don't know. I have some things to figure out and think about. I have been really thinking lately about seeing a psycholigist, so I might pursue that after the Holiday's if this still lingers. But something has got to give, I can't keep living like this...
This cycle we aren't doing anything. We decided it would just be to stressful since everything would fall around Christmas. I just didn't want to deal with it all. I am not really sure where we are headed though. I don't feel good about going forward but we can't afford IVF or Adoption at this point. Hopefully things will be clearer after some time to think about it all.